Marketed as a petite, gun-toting twosome, and made from the smoothest vinyl, these bizarre little objects—apparently inspired by cows—will stand guard over your desk, kitchen table, office cubicle (for me, it's office cubicle), bookshelf, or bedside table, complete with extra shotgun shells.

Bulletto, we read, "is a tough one when it comes to providing protection for weak kids in the schoolyard. Legend claims that he used to be a bully himself, but switched sides after meeting his beloved Mozzarella." Such is the transformative power of love, I suppose.

Mozzarella, meanwhile, is a little heartbreaker, complete with Tommy gun, gold earrings, cute spots, horns, and an inexplicable spike of blue hair.

I don't actually know what you're supposed to do with these, to be honest—other than decorate your cubicle and so on—but I'm not sure that that bothers me in this case. Bulletto has been standing over me as I write and edit articles for at least the last month, and I can't get enough of this guy; he's there whenever I come back from lunch breaks and I love him. He's got a double-barrel shotgun, huge bull horns, and a red cape.

However, if the vaguely NRA-like ambiance of an armed couple turns you off, consider Tokidoki's other lines of vinyl toys, ranging from the surreal to the sci-fi.

Ninjas, cacti, some sort of alien pizza delivery thing, and is that a spiky blowfish?

Your sense of humor is the limit when you've got a table full of Tokidoki.