This story was originally published in Dwell’s February 2010 issue.

Contractors fascinate me. They always have. They are fundamentally different from other people. They have their own language of sorts and their own curious customs and mannerisms, like Klingons, or French people. They have cool belts and cool stuff (multitools, wee little anodized flashlights, and other things that would be handy to have) fastened to their cool belts. They look different, and they smell different. They smell like work getting done. In this perhaps, contractors are not so much like French people.

Contractors think in numbers: in feet and inches. They are problem solvers. If you could have visual access to the chalkboards of their minds you’d see complex diagrams and critical path schedules projecting far into the future. They know stuff I want to know, like what a molly bolt is. I catch myself trying to impress them: Within minutes on a job site, I’m squinting and spitting and walking through mud puddles with a purposeful swagger, saying things like “at’ll do ’er.”

Contractors are good with tools. They know how to store a power cord without getting it all Jackson Pollock-y. They know how to use winches. And when they use their power cords and their tools and their winches, they wear fancy hats with stickers on them.

Contractors aren’t afraid of pain. They are thoroughly unimpressed with the finger-smashing potential of powder-actuated fasteners and nail guns and 16-pound sledgehammers wielded by guys named Kenny. In this, they are like Klingons. And also like Robert Duvall, strolling on the beach in Apocalypse Now. They are a tough people—the progeny of similarly tough people who built things for a living, who in turn were the offspring of other toughies far into the past, back to the days of guilds and beyond, when we all had Sonny Bono hair.

You should consider becoming fascinated by contractors. Houses and buildings and bridges don’t just magically appear. They are painstakingly crafted from chunks of formerly lifeless material by this clan of work-smelling problem solvers who can read floor plans and who can build what they read. Without them, we wouldn’t have places, and that would suck.

Words You Should Know

Bid: How much the contractor will charge to build the house. Different than “estimate.” (“Bid” is to “estimate” as “getting wife flowers” is to “maybe thinking about getting wife flowers.”)

C of O: Stands for Certificate of Occupancy and is required by many municipalities. After the inspections are complete and the permit fees paid, the city gives you one. If you move in without it, you are basically a terrorist.

Change Order: An official authorization that you owe the contractor more than you originally did. Change orders are usually associated with surprises, some good (upgraded appliances!), some sucky (abandoned septic tank!).

Construction Documents: The detailed plans and specifications, developed and stamped by an architect. These are referenced in the contract.

Contract: A document with plenty of fine print that describes the financial and legal specifics of a project. If you’re using a contractor, you need one of these. (“Having a contract” is to “not having a contract” as “family planning” is to “beer bong.”)

Kenny: If the contractor or the [something] guy is male, there is a 25 percent chance his name is Kenny.

Punch List: A painstaking, end-of-the-project, room-by-room accounting of all the stuff that’s not right.

[Something] Guy: A contractor may subcontract out work to specialists—the concrete guy, the painter guy, etc. Note: The term is gender nonspecific, e.g., “That drywall guy is hot. Too bad she’s married.”

Stink Eye: The pre-judo-chop look you give the contractor when he slaps you with an unfair change order.

Contractors 101

Learn what makes them tick, how to work with them, and how to keep all your fingers.

Done Right

Done Wrong

In the Nick of Time

Building Tomorrow

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Related Reading:

6 Questions You Should Always Ask Before Hiring a General Contractor

Read This Before You Decide to Be Your Own General Contractor